The Crabby Issue

You get married and realize you’re selfish. You have a child and realize you’re still selfish. Then you have another kid and realize you’re STILL selfish! So instead of getting over my selfishness, I’ve just been crabby a lot the last few months. Brad informed me I need to quit being crabby if we ever want to talk about a third child. I’m not sure I want to be taught that I’m yet again still selfish, but still I’ve been working on this crabby issue.

I’ve realized I’m crabby because instead of tending to little people needs, I want...

uninterrupted sleep, 

to experiment with phyllo dough, 

to have a clean house, 

to be organized, 

to eat breakfast in peace, 

to read, 

to workout, 

to blog and surf the blog world, 

to hang out at a coffee shop with my husband,

to talk on the phone without interruption....  

Grant it some of those things made me crabby because they weren't happening before I had kids and I still make some of them happen now, but it’s so much harder to make them happen and they’re often squeezed into nap time and after bed time. So lately I’ve been working on dying to myself, realizing I can’t have all my wants right when I want them, and happily caring for my kids.

(I have still pondered why people say we’re going to miss this. I've wondered if it's because I’ll have forgotten how to read, how to go on a date or how to talk about something other than childrens’ bodily functions? Is it because I won’t care anymore if I only have five different things I make for supper, if my house is clean or if I’m fit? Will I have given up on being a blogger and not know what to do with my time?)

  

I worked four days in a row last week. When I came home after the fourth day, I just wanted to sit and smother my kids, talk with them, make the giggle, and squeeze them. I realized I have other things I want as well. I want to...

cherish my kids, 

listen to them,

treasure their sweetness, 

be intentional in what I do with them,

teach them to follow Jesus,

to have fun with them,

help them develop their talents,

read to them,

make them feel special....

I certainly don’t want them to think I’m crabby all the time.

When my kids are out of the baby and toddler stage, although I won’t miss someone screaming at me because they're not getting their way (where would they get that kind of an idea?), I will miss little people cuddles, hugs and kisses. I’ll miss watching them learn and develop, their quick forgiveness and their giggles. I’ll miss hearing Elliana sing “I’m in the Lord’s Army” and Wyatt’s excitement to see me.  I’ll miss Elliana cheering and clapping when anyone finds a match playing Memory, and Wyatt laughing when she plays peek a boo with him. Why does it have to take me being gone from them days in a row to remind me of that?!

So here’s to a fresh start – crabbing less and loving more! Here’s to pleading with God every day to help me be the mom my kids need and dying daily to all my self centered wants.  

To any woman out there who dreams of being a mom or who has children already with Jesus, I am truly sorry for ever being crabby about being a mom. Here's a hug for you. (  )